Mestee Blogger

After I went to the gym last night, I went to Subway to get the sweet onion chicken teryaki, which has become a favorite. This was no regular trip to Subway, though. Armed with my "Sub Club" stamps, I was on my way to redeem a freebie. I waited in line behind a kid who was pretty sure he was the coolest person around and wanted to allow everyone to notice his presence. He was talking on his cell phone in about the loudest voice you can speak in, without qualifying as "shouting".

"Yeah, I'm at the sub shop"
"I'm getting a sub"
"Subway...I'm at Subway"
"Okay, later"

That was the side of the conversation that the Subway employees and I were lucky enough to hear. One can only imagine the important phrases being uttered on the other end of the line. I mean, what if nobody knew this guy was at Subway? What then, I ask you? A few seconds pass by and his phone starts ringing. Even after a year of working with cell phones all the time, I was not aware that you could make them ring this loudly. The tune was something like this, but he had the polyphonic version, meaning it sounds like the actual song (Fabolous, "Breathe"), instead of just beeping noises. He let it play as if he didn't notice it. After about 10 seconds, everybody in the store was looking at him with the "Uh, I think your phone is ringing, why don't you pick it up or shut it off?" kind of look (trust me it's a complex look, but everybody managed to express it). After he lets it ring long enough to get everyone's attention, he answers it.

"What's up?"
"Yeah, I'm at subway"
"Meatball sub"
"Later"

It's a good thing this information was passed along. After his shananigans were finished, it was my turn to pay. I had collected the stamps, but didn't actually have the cards that you're supposed to put them on, which I explained to the cashier. She was new, so she didn't know exactly how to handle the situation. After calling over one of her fellow employees, they handed me two cards and asked if I could put them on. For those of you not familiar with the "Sub Club", it requires 16 tickets to redeem a free large sub -- sixteen tickets that had been in my wallet, in my pocket, buried in my change cup, and who knows where else. Well, I guess I sort of do know where else, but my point is that they were dirty. They waited as I licked 16 individual stamps and placed them on the cards. I tried not to notice the lint and other doodads that were stuck to the stamps before I licked them, but I did. Oh, the things I will do for a free sub.

Here's an article about Dave Barry, author of many hilarious colums. Enjoy.
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