Thursday, March 24, 2005
Have You Seen My Baseball?
Last night, it happened. I got suckered into joining my first-ever fantasy sports league. Fantasy Baseball, to be exact. I was told that I wouldn't have enough time to go to the gym, because the draft started at 8:30 sharp. Fantasy baseball was already taking over my life. Timmy offered to lift with me in the basement in lieu of a cardio workout, so I took him up on it.
Kicking and screaming the whole way, I named my team "Fantasy Sucks" (in retrospect "The Unwilling Participant" would have been better) and spent much of the live draft cracking jokes on the draft chat board, occasionally being interrupted so they could remind me it was my turn to pick. Sample draft chat room dialogue:
Host: The Roid Ragers select Jeff Weaver.
Fantasy Sucks: WEAVER!
Fantasy Sucks: RED SNAPPER! VERY TASTY!
Host: Tigers R Back selects Tim Wakefield.
Hoosier Daddy: 7:30!
Of course, Hoosier Daddy is Brendan's Team(creative, but not as good as his NCAA Bracket Name "Play-in Winner"). The Weaver quote is from the Weird Al movie UHF, but only Brendan picked up on it, offering his own quote in return. This brings me to another point. I fear that my sense of humor has grown so in-tune with Brendan and the former residents of Boston Ave, that I will never have the ability to be truly funny to anyone outside that group (with a few exceptions, of course). This is really accentuated by the fact that we usually crack each other up while everyone else just kind of looks at us or ignores us altogether. Last night, Sheri made these low-sugar low-fat cookies that Brendan described as tasting "like dirt". Moments later, Timmy walked into the room and grabbed two cookies. Instead of suggesting that he not try the "dirt" cookies, we just stifled our laughter and waited for the hilarious results. Timmy didn't actually say anything, so we had to ask how he liked the cookies. Of course, he didn't like them, but didn't seem to be as repulsed as Brendan. He seemed more confused as to why we would let him eat them. Maybe that wasn't the best example...but it's certainly the most recent one.
Okay, back to the topic at hand. I hope that one of you are there to slap me the first time I utter the words "That guy is on my fantasy team." I'm not sure what my major gripe is with fantasy sports. It seems harmless enough -- kind of like Dungeons and Dragons role-playing for the jock set. Part of it is because I'm annoyed that people feel the need to make a game out of, well, a game. When did watching games become so boring that people were compelled to make a game out of the statistics which came from the actual game? Maybe it's also because fantasy sports really emphasize the individual over the team, which is already what is wrong with a lot of pro sports today. Regardless of what it is that bothers me about fantasy leagues, I'm in and there's no turning back. Go Fantasy Sucks!
If you don't know your UHF quotes and fear that you are starting to get a little too cool, check this out.
Gwyneth Paltrow, a seeminlgly conservative woman, named her daughter Apple, so you had to know that the singer from Korn and his porn star wife would come up with something a little more bizarre than that for their baby.
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Kicking and screaming the whole way, I named my team "Fantasy Sucks" (in retrospect "The Unwilling Participant" would have been better) and spent much of the live draft cracking jokes on the draft chat board, occasionally being interrupted so they could remind me it was my turn to pick. Sample draft chat room dialogue:
Host: The Roid Ragers select Jeff Weaver.
Fantasy Sucks: WEAVER!
Fantasy Sucks: RED SNAPPER! VERY TASTY!
Host: Tigers R Back selects Tim Wakefield.
Hoosier Daddy: 7:30!
Of course, Hoosier Daddy is Brendan's Team(creative, but not as good as his NCAA Bracket Name "Play-in Winner"). The Weaver quote is from the Weird Al movie UHF, but only Brendan picked up on it, offering his own quote in return. This brings me to another point. I fear that my sense of humor has grown so in-tune with Brendan and the former residents of Boston Ave, that I will never have the ability to be truly funny to anyone outside that group (with a few exceptions, of course). This is really accentuated by the fact that we usually crack each other up while everyone else just kind of looks at us or ignores us altogether. Last night, Sheri made these low-sugar low-fat cookies that Brendan described as tasting "like dirt". Moments later, Timmy walked into the room and grabbed two cookies. Instead of suggesting that he not try the "dirt" cookies, we just stifled our laughter and waited for the hilarious results. Timmy didn't actually say anything, so we had to ask how he liked the cookies. Of course, he didn't like them, but didn't seem to be as repulsed as Brendan. He seemed more confused as to why we would let him eat them. Maybe that wasn't the best example...but it's certainly the most recent one.
Okay, back to the topic at hand. I hope that one of you are there to slap me the first time I utter the words "That guy is on my fantasy team." I'm not sure what my major gripe is with fantasy sports. It seems harmless enough -- kind of like Dungeons and Dragons role-playing for the jock set. Part of it is because I'm annoyed that people feel the need to make a game out of, well, a game. When did watching games become so boring that people were compelled to make a game out of the statistics which came from the actual game? Maybe it's also because fantasy sports really emphasize the individual over the team, which is already what is wrong with a lot of pro sports today. Regardless of what it is that bothers me about fantasy leagues, I'm in and there's no turning back. Go Fantasy Sucks!
If you don't know your UHF quotes and fear that you are starting to get a little too cool, check this out.
Gwyneth Paltrow, a seeminlgly conservative woman, named her daughter Apple, so you had to know that the singer from Korn and his porn star wife would come up with something a little more bizarre than that for their baby.
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