Mestee Blogger

It might only be a Wednesday, but it feels like a Thursday. At least it's a beautiful day outside. Maybe I should answer some mail.

Mestee,
I took my website down. i figure that $19.99/month would be better spent on $0.67 of fun per day. Regrettably, the link "Le Fondler de Nez" is no more. I apologize to all fans of lexiespiro.com.

Your Biggest Fan,
Spiro

Spiro,
It's a shame that, as you say, Le Fondler de Nez is no more. What can you really do in New York city for $0.67 per day? Will that even buy you a bag of gummy worms? Can $0.67 buy you a bag of Pirate's Booty? What about a picture of a dog with its head in a bag of Pirate's Booty? Surely that is worth at least 2/3 of a dollar! Maybe you should just start socking it away in a savings account. Then, in a quick 1,417 days, you'll have enough to pay a full month's rent! Then again, maybe you should just stick to the Pirate's Booty.

Best of Luck,
Brian

Mestee,
It's May 3. You never posted a second time on May 2 as you promised. You've lost these Mestee Blogger readers FOREVER. I hope you're happy.

Your parents,
Ray and Ann Adams

Mom and Dad,
I'm not happy. In fact, it troubles me to hear that I've let you down with empty promises of internet postings. Please don't change the locks yet. Does this mean I'm not getting anything for Christmas this year? Dang. All I wanted was a Red Rider BB Gun. Or a condo in Back Bay. Okay, seriously? Nothing for Christmas? Fine, I'll just have to return that awesome engraved tie tac and the state-of-the art spatula from Kitchen Etc. that I bought for two certain people with my big year-end bonus. What's up now?

Your Son,
Brian

I've decided to make a pledge to myself: just because you can make a joke does not mean you should make a joke at every opportunity. I realized this over the weekend in DC, when I caught myself making old-guy style jokes. For the squeamish amongst you, I will give a warning that these examples could lead to nausea, vomiting, or the spontaneous generation of a rim shot.

(During a conversation about my accomodations on the aero mattress)
Irfan: So, Brian, how did you find the aero mattress?
Me: Pretty easily...it was right there on the floor.

(In a loud, crowded bar where you can only really talk to the person seated right next to you, discussing everyone's current work/living situations)
Julia #1: So, what's Lexie doing right now?
Me: Drinking a beer and talking to Irfan.

It makes me shudder just to think that these were my reflex replies. I'm beggining to think in terms of bad jokes.

Some of you may be familiar with the jokes of Ron, who Hufton, Jack, and I used to work with. Ron's trademark jokes were everyday phrases with different words substituted to either give the phrase a new meaning or make it non-sensical. For example, "take it easy" would be replaced with "take it sleazy" or "take it cheesy". Another favorite was "see you later", which was substituted with "see you in labor". Take my advice and never use the "see you in labor" joke with a female. It has the potential to be creepy, awkward, and a number of other things -- but not funny. Don't ask me how I know this. All I can say is that it's another lesson I learned this past weekend.

That's it for today. Now take a look at who the Grammar Cop has booked.
|