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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Return of The Guy 

Well, well, well. The first use of the comments section in a little while. I must be slowly drawing back some of my long-lost readers, or at least Irfan. Despite the absurd statements therein, I feel the need to address said comments, if nothing else but as a reward for participating. Here goes.

Brian,
A week before Halloween 2001, my husband told me that he got a gig. All he had to do is sit in a chair with that sh*t-eating grin and a beer in his hand. It is now 4.5 years later and he has yet to show up. I'm contacting you becuase I found your address on the contract. Please tell me if you know anything of my husbands whereabouts. Our five pumpkin children have spent the last four Halloweens without their father. I don't intend for there to be a fifth.

Nervously,
Mrs. Guy


Mrs. Guy,
Fear not, for your husband served us well, sitting at the entrance of 23 Boston Ave for special occasions. In his absolute prime, he served as the punchline to some hilarious practical jokes, appearing in Brendan's bed and in the front seat of his car, much to Brendan's dismay. We typically
dismantle him after he is done, putting his seperate pieces in the bathroom closet, where he is now.We once tried to build a female mate for him, but you'll be happy to hear that we failed miserably. I do not have a picture of him for you, but I've included a picture of his stem-faced cousin, Tom, instead.

Yours,
Brian


I just wrote a full paragraph addressed to the fictional pumpkin-headed wife of The Guy. I may need to take a moment to reevaluate the priorities in my life, for surely something must have ranked higher in importance just then.

In attempting to pay off my computer before the interest-free period ends (today!) and simultaneously paying the rent and fronting the money for our most expensive utility bills to date, I've inadvertantly entered into a little game called "Keep the checking account balance above zero". It's not a very popular game, and those that play it are typically unwilling participants like myself. I deposited 4 checks today and wrote two BIG ones. Unfortunately, I noticed just before depositing my checks that one of my roommates had written an amount less than the numbered dollar figure, meaning that the bank would only credit me the written amount if I deposited it, so I had to take it back home with me. Score one for the bad guys.

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