Friday, January 13, 2006
Trials and Tribulations, Part Three
Just kidding. Today, I'm going to talk about beards -- a topic that has seen a fair amount of discussion in the recent past. I must write about beards, because how else would I respond to Brendan sending me pictures of his law school "Finals Beard".

Brendan has had no-no-notorious difficulty culitivating facial hair above the jaw line. It would appear that he has sculpted this into a boy band beard, but if I were a betting man -- and I am -- I would say that this is simply the natural growth of Brendan's Finals Beard.

On this picture (right), you can see that Brendan's beard is slightly more formidable than you may have imagined after seeing the picture above. If you look closely at his face, you can see that he is trying not to be outwardly giddy while documenting his beard. C'mon Fernald, you know you want to smile.

Ah, Jack and Steve. Now these are serious beards. Note the the fullness and the point at which the sides connect with the goatee -- almost at the mustache! Well done, men. You've shown us what a real beard is supposed to look like. Tell Brendan to go play with his Malibu Barbie and stop insulting beards by trying to grow one.

Here we have Hufton. If you can get past the bright red jumpsuit and the man who seems to be adjusting Jeremy's special man-places, you may notice that he is sporting a beard in this photo. While it is not as full as Jack or Steve's, I give him kudos for a solid mustache, which grows impossibly wide as the mischievous smile appears on his face.

Who is this handsome devil? Oh, I'm sorry, it's me. Like Brendan, the growth below the jaw line is significant, but essentially meaningless. As a wise man once said "Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, while hair only counts if it's above the jaw." There is a reasonable connection point between the sides and the goatee, but it is still weak enough to make me feel shame. Some day I'll be a real man, you'll see.
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Brendan has had no-no-notorious difficulty culitivating facial hair above the jaw line. It would appear that he has sculpted this into a boy band beard, but if I were a betting man -- and I am -- I would say that this is simply the natural growth of Brendan's Finals Beard.
On this picture (right), you can see that Brendan's beard is slightly more formidable than you may have imagined after seeing the picture above. If you look closely at his face, you can see that he is trying not to be outwardly giddy while documenting his beard. C'mon Fernald, you know you want to smile.
Ah, Jack and Steve. Now these are serious beards. Note the the fullness and the point at which the sides connect with the goatee -- almost at the mustache! Well done, men. You've shown us what a real beard is supposed to look like. Tell Brendan to go play with his Malibu Barbie and stop insulting beards by trying to grow one.
Here we have Hufton. If you can get past the bright red jumpsuit and the man who seems to be adjusting Jeremy's special man-places, you may notice that he is sporting a beard in this photo. While it is not as full as Jack or Steve's, I give him kudos for a solid mustache, which grows impossibly wide as the mischievous smile appears on his face.
Who is this handsome devil? Oh, I'm sorry, it's me. Like Brendan, the growth below the jaw line is significant, but essentially meaningless. As a wise man once said "Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, while hair only counts if it's above the jaw." There is a reasonable connection point between the sides and the goatee, but it is still weak enough to make me feel shame. Some day I'll be a real man, you'll see.
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