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Thursday, January 12, 2006

Trials and Tribulations, Part Two 

By the time I got upstairs to the jury room, it was about 8:50. Though I was supposed to be there at 8:30, they didn't seem worried about it. Indeed, they do not trust Joe Citizen to be able to show up at a certain place at a certain time, but they trust him to show up within thirty minutes of said time. I checked in with the bailiff and he had me go sit in the room next door with the other jurors. I sat and read Entertainment Weekly for a few minutes -- did you know Steve Martin was originally approached for Jim Carrey's role in Dumb and Dumber? -- until the bailiff came in the room. Okay, here we go! Time for action!

"Ladies and gentlemen, sit tight for a few minutes and then we'll show you an instructional tape about your responsibilities as juror," he told us.

Okay, not quite time for action, but I did still have the Entertainment Weekly. Can you believe that both Kurt Cobain and Dan Quayle count Ferris Bueller's Day Off amongst their favorite movies? I digress.

"Okay, folks. Please pay attention to this video, it should be helpful to you."

I had to change seats, since I was sitting directly next to the TV stand on wheels (think movie day in high school). I took a seat at the table in the middle of the room and watched as Chief Justice Margaret Marshall appeared on screen...or should I say Mahgawet Mahshew. Her speech impetiment kept me entertained throughout the presentation.

"It is your civic wesponsibiwity to sewve on a juwy when cawwed..."

After Mahgwet's speech, some other people went on to list the possible occupations of people who can get called for jury duty, which basically includes just about every single occupation. "Jurors can be doctors, firemen, secretaries, teachers, sales clerks, nurses, garbage collectors, carpenters, business executives, bus drivers, electricians..."

"What about clowns? Can they be clowns?" I was tempted to ask.

After the video was over, one of the judges came in and spoke with us, letting us know that he took no offense to the fact that none of us were excited to be there. After he spoke for a minute, he told us that we could have a 45 minute break. Oh good, I was so tired of reading a magazine for an hour. Now I can do something a little less stressful. It actually worked out okay, because I had to go feed my parking meter, which was about a 10 minute walk from the court house.

After everyone returned to the jury room, the bailiff led us in a single file line down to a tiny court room. There were about twenty five of us filing into the back rows of the room. Each person involved in the case turned and introduced themselves to us. We were then asked if we knew any of the participants. I think anyone could have gotten away with saying that one of them looked familiar, thus excusing themselves from the possibility of serving on the jury, but nobody tried it. I had another card up my sleeve. On the informational sheet they had us fill out before we arrived that day, we were asked if any of our immediate family were involved in law enforcement. Though I believe "immediate family" refers to your father, mother, and siblings, I mentioned that my uncle is a retired state trooper.

They called out 8 names to fill the seats for the six jurors and two alternates on the side of the room. After this, the prosecutors and defense team huddled up in front of the judge to decide who was to be removed. "Juror number 6, please return to your seat at the back of the room. Bill Jones, please replace juror number 6." It was like The Price is Right, but when they called your name, the only possible prize was a no-expense-paid trip to Lowell for an indefinite amount of time. I was one of the few people who never got called.

After the jury was selected, we returned to the jury room. With eight less people, we could stretch out a little bit. We read magazines and watched Ellen on TV, trying to pass the time until the next "not guilty" plea. After an hour or so, we learned that all 14 cases had seen guilty pleas, so we wouldn't be needed for the rest of the day. They informed us that we would be exempt from jury duty in Massachusetts for 3 years. Sweet.

If I haven't written too much for you already, here's something from The Onion.

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