Thursday, July 27, 2006
Don't Make Me...
I believe that people should find their place in the natural rythms of life instead of making people find their place for them. Confused? Of course you are, that statement barely makes sense. Allow me an example:
When I am trying to cross the street, I am perfectly willing to take on the burden of waiting 10 seconds to find my chance to cross without making anyone disrupt the flow of traffic. To make sure people don't stop for me, I sometimes implement the "look-away" maneuver. If I'm in motion, I will walk parallel to the steet I'd like to cross, glancing over my shoulder to find an opening in traffic. I know, I've got issues.
Another situation is opening doors. Last week, a guy that was about 30 yards ahead of me stopped to hold the door open for me at the entrance of my office. To avoid the lengthy awkwardness of him just holding the door and looking backwards at me, I had to break into my hurry-walk. People of the world, please don't make me break into my hurry walk. Just keep walking, I can handle the door -- I'm almost sure I'll have no problem opening it. As if he had been informed that I was conducting a social experiment, another man leaving the very same door on that very same day -- and walking only 5 yards in front of me -- did not stop to hold the door for me. It struck me that it made him seem like a little bit of a jerk, but I'm sticking to my guns that this is my preferred scenario.
While looking for a beverage at the corner store on Boston Ave today, I almost dry-heaved when I caught a glimpse of a bottle reading Milky Way Slammer. Yes, this is apparently a liquified Milky Way. Upon further investigation, I realized that the flavors in this line of beverages also included Starburst, 3 Musketeers, and perhaps most disgustingly, Moon Pie. It never stuck me that there were enough people with "drink some candy" on their wish list to merit such a line of beverages. All I could think of was the Bleu Cheese Cooler that was advertised on Saturday Night Live. Except these drinks are actually intended for consumption.
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When I am trying to cross the street, I am perfectly willing to take on the burden of waiting 10 seconds to find my chance to cross without making anyone disrupt the flow of traffic. To make sure people don't stop for me, I sometimes implement the "look-away" maneuver. If I'm in motion, I will walk parallel to the steet I'd like to cross, glancing over my shoulder to find an opening in traffic. I know, I've got issues.
Another situation is opening doors. Last week, a guy that was about 30 yards ahead of me stopped to hold the door open for me at the entrance of my office. To avoid the lengthy awkwardness of him just holding the door and looking backwards at me, I had to break into my hurry-walk. People of the world, please don't make me break into my hurry walk. Just keep walking, I can handle the door -- I'm almost sure I'll have no problem opening it. As if he had been informed that I was conducting a social experiment, another man leaving the very same door on that very same day -- and walking only 5 yards in front of me -- did not stop to hold the door for me. It struck me that it made him seem like a little bit of a jerk, but I'm sticking to my guns that this is my preferred scenario.
While looking for a beverage at the corner store on Boston Ave today, I almost dry-heaved when I caught a glimpse of a bottle reading Milky Way Slammer. Yes, this is apparently a liquified Milky Way. Upon further investigation, I realized that the flavors in this line of beverages also included Starburst, 3 Musketeers, and perhaps most disgustingly, Moon Pie. It never stuck me that there were enough people with "drink some candy" on their wish list to merit such a line of beverages. All I could think of was the Bleu Cheese Cooler that was advertised on Saturday Night Live. Except these drinks are actually intended for consumption.
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