Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Let's Hear it for the Boys
I realize that it's somewhat tasteless to discuss things that go on in the men's room, but who am I trying to impress? Here are two quick stories, both based in the office restroom within the past 48 hours.
As about half of you know, there are several ways to go about your business at the urinal. In a men's room located in Anytown, USA, you are bound to stumble across characters like The Whistler, Hands on Hips, and even Grunt n' Groan. Yesterday, as I entered the bathroom, I saw a urinal guy as rare as a Buffalo Nickel. I call him "Double Hands Behind", for mysteriously, he insists on folding both hands behind his head as if he's relaxing on the couch watching a movie. Thinking this might be a pose he would only dare strike in private, I scuffed my shoes slightly to make my presence known, but Double Hands Behind didn't budge. Nay, he proudly wizzed away, hands nowhere near the front lines of battle. If I had a camera handy, I would have been tempted to photograph this rare bird, as I may never see him again in this lifetime.
Today, I was washing my hands at the sink with a man to my left, who was between me and the paper towel dispenser. He was looking in the mirror, adjusting his shirt, but had left just a few feet between him and the counter where I would have to pass by. I sidestepped between him and the mirror. Just then, a booming fart was unleashed in one of the stalls.
"Excuse me," I said, as the guy raised his eyebrows. Immediately, I realized that this could have been mistaken for an admission to creating the aforementioned flatulence rather than the intended purpose of excusing myself for passing between him and the mirror. Unfortunately, this was one of those things that you can't really fix once it's happened and any attempt to clarify the situation would almost undoubtedly make things worse.
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As about half of you know, there are several ways to go about your business at the urinal. In a men's room located in Anytown, USA, you are bound to stumble across characters like The Whistler, Hands on Hips, and even Grunt n' Groan. Yesterday, as I entered the bathroom, I saw a urinal guy as rare as a Buffalo Nickel. I call him "Double Hands Behind", for mysteriously, he insists on folding both hands behind his head as if he's relaxing on the couch watching a movie. Thinking this might be a pose he would only dare strike in private, I scuffed my shoes slightly to make my presence known, but Double Hands Behind didn't budge. Nay, he proudly wizzed away, hands nowhere near the front lines of battle. If I had a camera handy, I would have been tempted to photograph this rare bird, as I may never see him again in this lifetime.
Today, I was washing my hands at the sink with a man to my left, who was between me and the paper towel dispenser. He was looking in the mirror, adjusting his shirt, but had left just a few feet between him and the counter where I would have to pass by. I sidestepped between him and the mirror. Just then, a booming fart was unleashed in one of the stalls.
"Excuse me," I said, as the guy raised his eyebrows. Immediately, I realized that this could have been mistaken for an admission to creating the aforementioned flatulence rather than the intended purpose of excusing myself for passing between him and the mirror. Unfortunately, this was one of those things that you can't really fix once it's happened and any attempt to clarify the situation would almost undoubtedly make things worse.
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