Mestee Blogger

I have quietly become a fan of Mixed Martial Arts, or MMA, as it's known. It's about a thousand times better than boxing, which has fallen victim to the ultra-boring format of punch, punch, hug, break it up...and repeat round after round. The days of superstars like Mohammed Ali and Mike Tyson are long gone, and the excitement has disappeared with them.

"I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah." -Mike Tyson, regarding future Celebrity Apprentice, Lennox Lewis.

The stand-up fighting in MMA is often thrilling, with more solid shots thrown in a minute than boxing fans would see in five rounds. Then there is the "ground and pound" strategy, which is really the closest thing there is to a physical chess match. I know, I know...I have a man crush on MMA.

I can't help but wonder how I would fare if I got tossed into the octagon. I don't really have much to base it on, as I have been in only one fight as an adult. This "fight" consisted of me throwing exactly one punch and scoring exactly one knock-out...so my stats are looking pretty good. However, if I were in an MMA fight, I don't imagine it would start with a guy breaking down my door while I was asleep in bed at my fraternity, as my first fight did...though I must say, that would add an interesting new twist to the sport.

One major factor on the "Con" side of my personal MMA fighting checklist would have to be the cauliflower ear. Scars can be seen as badges of honor, but cauliflower ear is, well, ughhh. Another item in the "Con" column was mentally listed as I witnessed a fighter launch a mid-fight snot rocket onto the canvas. When I saw that, my first thought was "they fight barefoot -- what if he stepped in that guy's snot rocket barefoot? Ewww." This was my first major clue that I was not made to participate in the sport, as I imagine the "ewww" reaction to anything is reserved strictly for non-fighters.

I recorded the first nationally-televised MMA fight on the ol' DVR tonight. I had been looking forward to watching the main event, featuring Kimbo Slice, who is one scary mofo -- from his giant beard down to his weird and somehow frightening sculpted chest hair. When I got home to watch it, I considered fast-forwarding through all of the undercard fights to get to the main event, but decided to just watch the whole thing instead.

The show was scheduled to air for two hours, but after the first two fights ended in first-round knock-outs, I was sort of wondering if they would have enough filler material to get to the end of the show. Next, they had two women fight, which began as one of the better fights of the night. The crowd favorite was Gina Carano, who is actually the American Gladiator known as Crush. As a professional fighter and game show gladiator, she's got a pretty interesting resume. She's also doing pretty well in the looks department. It would be a shame to see those ears go the way of the cauliflower. Incidentally, Gina gave her opponent one of the worst black eyes I've ever seen, which ultimately caused the doctors on hand to end the fight.

As the penultimate fight was going into the third round, I noticed that there were only five minutes left in my DVR recording, which ended as they were deciding whether to call the fight a "no contest" for an unintentional eye gouge. As it turns out, they did...but I never got to see my beloved Kimbo terrorize James "The Colossus" Thompson. Apparently, Kimbo won in the third round. The DVR is a wonderful piece of technology, but there has got to be some way to record shows that go over their time slot unexpectedly. I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, I'll post the Get to Know a Mestee Reader segment with Jacko as soon as I can get him to commit. If it's this tough to get an interview with a guy who had you as the best man in his wedding, imagine how difficult it's going to be for me to get Stamos on here.
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